Friday, August 12, 2011

Review Of The Retar (album #3 Blood, Sweat and Tars) can be downloaded for free at

Blood, Sweat and Tars.
Charlie Paradise writing for Gorriladunkdaily

Album Review. The Retar Crew was back this summer with their third full LP release, this is our review.

The album punches you right in the face out of the gates, in a good way.

Everything’s Going to be all Right, a great check.

This writer however was hoping that we had a jazzy JQ intro where we learned what our hero’s had been up to during the last year since the release of 2010’s dance infused winter smash, Return of the Retar. Namely escaping the frozen tundra of Febuary in Chicago for the sands of Australia, dam, I love the first track. They were down under forever than up in London for a long time, as long as I was away when all that shit happened. And they drop back and deliver an eighty yard spiral touchdown splash with their third LP, in less than three years. And this on top of endless sketches, the you tube now giants, back from a world tour with a new play, my I present to you my review if I may be so formal of the mutha fucken retar crew back and on top aptly named, Blood, Sweat and Tars, their 3rd studio effort I'am Charlie Paradise and this is my review.

21 Jump Street! Track 1.
Now everyone in your best Chicago or Boston scream, "guy!" And guy track #1 is a blazing, Cajun opening day and no it's not rainen, get out of bed track. JQ reached back into his feel good playbook with a beat sure to put a smile on even the most disheartened terrorists. He samples something out of the Platters realm to give a Motown gloss to the third albums inaugural track, it shiners, think Cape Canaveral. This is why I love covering them, I'm a Sat morning type of reporter.

JQ takes the lead and rips what amounts to a love letter to his real girlfriend, brunch. It had for many years been reported in the press of JQ's decadent ordering and performances at brunches around the globe. His opening line of ordering water, bloody, Guinness, OJ and a coke too can’t help but provoke happy drunken undertones. JQ let’s us know, “no guilt no pain we be living like that.” JQ raps with a swagger that you believe him when he orders this for his drink selection at a brunch with his rock star buddies after ripping a show the night before. And he walks us into the dancing chorus chopped to perfection. P.O. Pringle has a lot to follow up JQ and is the perfect punch and arguably the album’s biggest stand out. The rappers rapper, P.O. absolutely rips the lungs from this beat with a heavier verse whose more profound topics compliment the happy. Pos delves into personal bouts of racisms and religious underpinnings if you can figure out his first stanza and repeat it back you would’ve rapped with a great one. And in spite of it all and even in the face of death tomorrow, everything is all right.
Jackson’s voice soothes into a melodic third verse that seems to get more and more inspired as he spits away. And he ties it up in a way correct and speaks volumes to why I’ve been a adamant supporter of anything these Q brothers had created and built, part of that is finding kids like Jackson, they do it the right way.

Now to my pundits in Boston I don’t mean it like Trot Nixon plays the game the right way and Troy O’Leary doesn’t I’m just saying, “leading by example, chillen being me.” And it’s fantastic and an early antidote to the entire concept of Retar crew blatant honesty and self-depreciation in a billion-dollar genre that just doesn’t fuck with shit like that. And if you haven’t ever seen a live retar shop esp. in Chicago you need to go check out these drunken real life all-stars original music happening now.

And we got the jungle like hook comes smashing back on the grommets tip we have one tar left, the veteran, brother GQ. GQ from Hawaiaan Soapy fame takes it home blessing his own feel good album with his younger brother almost eight years ago. He quotes early “that it might be a classic” and reminds you that they are in first and didn’t test for placement, a cheer to SPED kids. GQ reminds us in that verse that he has and remains to date, the time of his life. Ever since he sold his first play where it all began, it’s always summer I've enjoyed the vicarious upside to the coverage of the Retar Crew. And this local reporter is just glad to be able to continue to witness and report it. And this song celebrates that on a grand scale but on a minor, it’s just another Sunday brunch with the Retar Crew good stuff happening in splits of atoms, throw in a beat box, a cipher just to light the energy of those around them, making a better champagne sampling and a great re cap.

After starting off the first CD with the first track the Retar Anthem, they needed to bring some sickness for the leadoff hitter on the song tip for this the 3rd CD joint. And they fucking nailed it. 5 stars.

#2 fuck all the Drama. This track almost gets five stars and stands out in a number of ways. The beat sets the tone for what’s an angered, information aged, media crazed emotional testament to all the earths drama these 2011 days. It's very straightforward in it’s title, fuck all the drama is the Retar’s lament of hitting that wall when you just don’t give a fuck at all, anymore, ever, again, done. And most of have been there; they even go so far to throw their own Chicago guy and US president Barack Obama under the bus, in the chorus. It also mentions Osama Bin Laden in the hook time and again and they released their you tube vid of fuck all the drama immediately after his capture and subsequent death, holla! The was a great moment, but white people were kind of forcing it in Georgetown that night on the Patriot’s three peat tip.
It was great timing, POS rips the leadoff after hitting second on the jump off track, and slaughterhouse 5’s this mutha fucka into the dirt. It’s topical, it’s brutally honest, and Pos demonstrates the command he had over these times and his gifted word play as he attacks the left, the right, even Hilary and Bill. Jackson on the second verse rips perhaps his best verse of his young white career. Personally he knocked out my former favorite verse of his prior on the we almost died joint. But we at gorrila dunk love the melding of politics and music, and the platform that can bring to deliver a message. A note from our sponsor sorry (National Geographic)

He stays with the theme of Pos, and the political just works here big time, he disses George W and Barrack in the same crafty sentence from in which his point about the system, these wars, campaign funds comes across poignat and without breaking a sweat, great video.
“where my friends and cousins blew up terrorists freaks” and once again his voice is fit for all slick transitions with all Retar’s. JQ, reminds as why he's in the hall of fame while going threw his own lists of fucks states and politely asks, “fuck running shoes, why they got to be so ugly?” In perfect rhyme and cadence, GQ takes it home going off tangent with putting fuck before any word that pops into his brain, it sounds more like a freestyle and slams it home.

#3 Robin the Cradle.
This is a track that leaves you once again scratching your heads saying, why are these guys not paid? They've been famous. I’ve contemplated this very question for the last fifteen years on the beat. The hook is original, applicable and hip-hop. Original yes by them and also because no one else has said the title catch phrase like that before and that’s hard to do. And beat, the beat, oh the beat, JQ rarely makes a whack 1. Throw in the Chicago modern day blues legend always in the back ground on alert five lacing that harmonica and bringing that bayou on the Chi tip for some new funk off their third joint, and it’s a warp speed wrap. If this were a label, it would be Johnny black baby. And of course the Retar’s love to remind you they've probably fucked more chicks than us aka slinky pieces of homework.

And JQ, probably the highest number in the click with everyone else tied for second laments honesty and passion for rules most men would dream to live by. And while the topic of pussy can get old in rap forums pretty quickly the fact remains these guys fuck allot of hot young girls, and have for many, many years. People want to hear that esp. Prince.

Flashback: I first met Pos back in 2001 when he had dreadlocks. Their first play Bombitty had been set up for a run in Chicago after winning best in show at an HBO sponsored comedy and their showcase in Aspen CO. They won, as always and a little girl said to her Ka-trillion dollar father who happened to be from Chicago, daddy buy them. And he did, and it was a great run and this reporter as always was there for opening night. I was fascinated by the after party and the dozens of girls surrounding them. I was curious who they'd pick, and how, what was the process? And I would ask G, J and Pos throughout the night who they thought they would make sweet love to later. They had so many choices it made for interesting observation, interesting writing. And it was an interesting exercise for me to try and make the market on who I believed the strongest candidates were. And these weren’t hoody rap chicks, which I adore rather robin the cradle girls with big educations and bank accounts, what a market. And their responses were hilarious. While JQ and Pos became almost philosophical in their sharing and discussion of this topic, which through the night was at the forefront of their minds, they had a pretty good idea. And they enjoyed swapping idea’s, information and girls for that matter.

And anytime they found a girl trying to play hard to get it was over she was the 1. Now GQ would famously tell gorriladunkdaily that night, “Which ever one is last standing Mr. Paradise, you know there when I’m about to pass out. So basically I have no idea” What a smile! But it was fun sex, no strings attached or rarely and even if they were these are the only guys (and it only gets more sick when years later Jackson and a huge draft pick for the family only makes it worse, I think I might have slept with him covering Funk it Up the 3rd time around) I’ve ever covered in 15 years that have ex girlfriends, one stands, threesomes, 4 someone’s you name it, they all come back. And it’s the weirdest thing for anyone that first gets to know them.
But if you were new to the party you would have no idea know unless someone told you. And I often did, I liked to see their shock especially girls, and guys too I guess, I guess the shock was gender neutral. People can’t fathom 30 ex girlfriends coming to the show and the after party to get wasted and celebrate all together under the same roof, at the same bar, years later, months, days, hours ago whatever.
And for all of these too few mentioned reasons Robin the Cradle gets it done, and it’s a great flip of the cliche especially these days. I guarantee I could go under cover reporter in G.W. , Georgetown, American U. you name it, easy to find firework slinky’s that would perform anything to be laced proper, no problem, thankfully retar’s don’t have to pay for sex and never have (rule #6 Retar). This is a great track.

It’s a strong opening three. And the sets continue to flourish slashing back and forth from boiling points to parody infused by the forever infectious JQ’s sizzling touch and ear for head bobbing dope beats. The album continues with track #4 It Taste Good.
Now this could be their anthem, drinks are the staple motif of this crews entire tar philosophy. And to go further they don’t rap. And for the heads of hip hop out there this might not be your favorite retar track. Monster will love it. I love it. How could I not? JQ takes the leadoff and this song, well, makes you feel good something this crew maintains a patent on. A happy patent. The deviation from rap shows once again the multitude of talents the quartet is capable of when voltroned. It makes them even more difficult to ever type cast, never! I can hear a Retar battle cry.
And from the feel good to waste less, the Retar crew seems to becoming more musical the further they get away from their classic track that kicked this whole trip off, the Retar Anthem. And this is a rap, and JQ drops the dark beat as the Retar’s air out their continued frustrations with still being broke and now realizing, hmm, might always be, this fans, could be a breaking point. And it must be frustrating but somehow they always keep it going and the die-hard fans out there are grateful. The Q brothers book end this track and GQ comes out of the gates at Wonderland and just smashes his verse into a million little pieces. It’s him at his best walking you through exactly what’s happened, happening in his life, and we sit and listen and ponder where this roller coaster was heading this time. Honest rappers which in addition to the drunk play are guiding, fundamental motifs of their retar concept.

Overall the listener gets the impression that Jackson and GQ really stepped up their rhyme game to new heights on this record. Pos who I’ve always referred to as a rappers rapper and once you figure out what he’s saying (that’s a test tar tar USA!) it’s wonderful, and he goes hard as always. JQ of course I long ago wrote after hearing his B-Boy track and live beat box on a street corner in Manhattan is in my top three behind Pac and Biggie. The elevation of Jackson and G make the joints on this album jump off on all cylinders. The result is their most musical album to date.

The next track they got back to singing on a mystical JQ beat, this is their talking heads track, nuff said. To have a track on this album categorized as Talking Heads and winning by all accounts is no small honor. Again this shows the continued experimentation and development as the Tar’s rip through their third full length LP. And surprisingly the group might want to lean even more in this direction as Pos is the perfect lead off man in this set. Coming with the charisma and confidence in which the pussy gets swept away again he flexes his considerable vocal skills and sets this track off like dynamite. I would love to see them retar Mo town tracks, sing and rap like New Edition ,it’s clear they can sing with range when they feel like it. JQ takes us through Audrey Horn and brings to life the meaning of this tribute to talking heads and what it means. And they all do, and I think for the open-minded this might be something people look more from them down the road. I know Monster will.

It’ll be interesting to see if these all in singing tracks under perform the YouTube hits the traditional tar album stuff nets.
Promise Me. Switches back to the darker undertones of the philosophical stripe. JQ jumps the lead again here and lays down such hard working classics like, “no connection to the earth like a potted plant.” I like the voice sample in the chorus and the scratchy way it’s presented. Jackson and GQ continue their ascent on this LP thus making the full representation in conjunction with their most musical effort to date viable on what I feel is a large commercial level.
And speaking of feel good the album pays homage to their feel good sub roots with track #10, what I’m. And this line up continues to be meddled with as the music is changed, dabbled and waggled in tight beats and creative minds. I think this is a recipe these chefs designed to appeal to the mature musical pallet. Here we have JQ singing a thunderous and emotional statement about himself, and the remaining three Tars spitting verses minus JQ who only commands the chorus. And this is the Sat AM flapjacks where gonna stop smoken crack joint. And as a writer I can say it’s a solid addition to what many are already saying is their best effort yet. And by solid I mean it's my favorite track. Jacks shouts out Them vs. Them cracking inspiration imagining his dreams in pursuit while for the record Pos shout's out "IG" (the extradionary organ player, song writer from Oh MY God and Them vs. Them) and he might do it twice

Of course the last two tracks remind everyone who we're dealing with when they touch on the always comical mom fuck with the young son, and place the hidden Tar Tar big dink track about an infant boy blessed with an incredibly long hammer head hidden in the back. And that ties it all down. Again a little bit of everything, I urge fans to download the always-free Retar material (smoke up Johnny!) and give proper seating and respect to the odor I mean the order the artists intentionally placed these tracks in.

This is Burt Heely saying….. (your never fully dressed without a smile) a theatre shout out for the stage ninjas.

And please check these cats out if your in Chicago in August. I was front stage at their Valentines Show and was fucking blown away they are better live.

For questions or suggestions I can be reached at


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